Devastated!

I have been a mom now for almost 8 months and every morning I drag myself out of bed somewhere between 7-8 a.m. I pee and brush my teeth before stumbling into lil' man's room.  There he is lying in his crib with froggie kicking away. How long has he been up? An hour? 5 minutes? Who knows? I sure don't but he lies there patiently waiting for his lazy mom to come and get him. As the sleepiness falls from my eyes my heart starts to warm as I walk across the room to his crib knowing I am about to experience the most amazing part of my life, his smile as he sees his mommy. For those of you that know him you know I have the best boy in the world. He is so easy going and happy. He loves everyone and laughs all the time. Okay, so some of that is a little biased. He is my love, my joy and my heart. He makes me laugh and he makes me cry. He makes me smile and he makes me curse and all in five minutes but I love my lil' man!
As I hold my not so little boy anymore I think of how big he is getting and how quickly he will grow up.  I think of how I can protect him, care for him and make his life as painless as possible.  I know I can't put him an a bubble and keep him safe forever. I know there are no guarantees but I will do what ever possible for him and I know I will just love him more and more everyday. No matter what life has in store for me I will do my best to get through it for my Lil' Man!
I can honestly say that yesterday's events have hit me hard and I know it is because I am now a mom. Of course if I wasn't a mom now I would still be saddened by what happened in Newtown.  After all I have a niece, my goddaughter, who is in the first grade in CT.  But now I have that bond, that bond that tugs at your heart when you hear his cry. That bond that warms you like a blanket when he belly laughs at something you did. That bond that will protect him forever, my lil' man.